In life there are always hurdles but when it comes to single parents we have somewhat different ones because of the how often we get to see our children. I put together some tips for my fellow
single Mommies and Daddies who have to see their children on scheduled
times.
Long-term
Hurdles: The hardest hurdles to get over are the long term ones. I want to post about one and that is time. Time I believe is the hardest hurdle
to get over but when you are over it you will be stronger than ever
before. I started out with the
hardest point because it is the one that in the end will be the most
forgiving. This means if you
distract you’re self with things like working or seeing your friends they will
be fun but they are more short term.
Once time has set in and you have realized how to move forward and be
alone while your kids aren’t with you things will get easier. It isn’t easy to start off
however. You will find your self staring at the clock or just feeling the day is never ending. In the mean time just be patient and use
short term activities. When you
use short term activities they will help you get to the long term fixes. Time is also hard because when you see
your child only every so often it feels like she is growing up and you’re not
even there to enjoy it. They will
come over and you will be amazed how much they grew or have learned in
school. For this you can either
try to get more time with them or you can adjust with how it is. I will use the short term tips to
get you through some of the long term hurdles but never get hooked on short
term fixes. I will explain this
when I talk about the short term fixes.
There are other long therm hurdles like love, recovering your finances, your heart healing, and the fact that you will feel
you only see your child every so often and may feel it’s not fair, aka jealousy. Anger, frustration and pain are the
biggest and time will not be on your side in the beginning. These I will address in later blogs and
break them up so you’re not reading all night, and I’m not typing all night. Once you have mastered your feelings
and you understand that a divorce is a horrible thing but that you have to move
forward and keep your child in the best you will soon be a stronger person than
anyone out there. You will have
skills and patients to help you understand and work with different aspects of
life that will make your journey difficult. The question I’m sure you are asking is how will Time help
me? Well once you get through the long
term hurdles you will be a productive single parent. You may get a second job and start saving to rebuild. You will also understand that time is
precious and that you shouldn’t be sitting on your couch thinking about how you
miss your child or how it’s not fair you have to go days with out seeing
them. You will realize you can
volunteer or help your community out.
You can keep your house cleaned and in order, work out or pick up a
hobby like cooking or some other form of artwork.
When
the seasons change make sure you change with them. After a while you will realize you walk into your place
alone but your no longer scared or lonely. You have to go shopping or think about shift you picked up
at work. You will also have time
to plan little adventures with your kids when you don’t have them. You will become a master of your time
and before you know it you will be back and in action!
Short Term Fixes: Short
term fixes are designed to help you get through the hard times and help you
adapt to the long term hurdles like time.
Some short term fixes and assets are family and friends, work, any
hobbies you have, your child, or just relaxing. Family and friends will always be there for you but there
role when you feel you are loosing it is to just be there and help you. They can make some dinners or have you
over to just pass the time. Now
you can always visit family, but when I say short term I mean when you are
pacing around the house and putting marks on your floor from waking in
circles! Family and friends turn
into a shoulder in the beginning and then move back into their normal role
after you are healed. They can
always turn back into a shoulder when you need them. That’s the best part. J They take you out and talk to you, show
you how special you are and when you have your child they have dinners take you
all out. Friends do the same thing
but sometimes we just want to be around our buddies more than our parents. (No offense parents) When it comes to work I know it will be
hard because who wants to work as they miss their children but if you focus the
time will pass and eventually you will be back in the swing of things. Don’t slow down or get in trouble for
being lazy at work you need your job!!!
Hobbies are always very healthy because the use up your time and since
it is something you enjoy your mind will not be focused on the fact that you
went through everything you did and now you only see your child here and
there. Relaxing is the last one I
used, there are many more but I kept the list to short few. Relax and enjoy your time. Take a walk, listen to music take a nap
just give your body a physical rest.
After everything you went through mentally your body will feel it. You need to put your feed up and let
your body de-stress.
The other nice thing about a hobby
or something fun is you can show your child and chances are she will love
it. If it’s cooking or some kind
of craft your child will absolutely love to be involved. When I cook Quinn loves to sit on the
counter and watch or even get involved and help me out. Cooking is fun because you learn a new
meals and kids usually love to cook and if you include them on anything you do
they will just be so excited. Kids
love to be a part of what you are doing and all we as parents have to do is
give them that attention. We
as children will always want to be a part of our parent’s lives and what they
are doing, especially when we are little.
If you use the short term tips and
helpful fixes they will get you to that long term hurdle. Once time has passed you will be such a
strong person I can’t tell you. I
know my daughter is little but I have already acquired skills and helpful
emotions that will get me ready like letting go. I have a long time before this happens but the fact that I
had to get through the fact that I couldn’t see her will make me ready when she
goes away to school or meets a boy.
I will probably never be fully ready… But that’s just because I’m a Dad…
But I will have the tools and emotions to understand her and realize it is time
to let her venture out. These are
the skills and traits we have to acquire or when they get older you won’t know
how to let go. Sometimes we as
single parents that may not see our children as much in the short term have to
deal with things we will be ready for later in life. The one thing I know in life is that besides the fact that
it is mysterious, life is a circle and everything ends up just going back. If you get ready now you will be ready
when the time comes.
Learn how to buy your time now and
remember in the beginning it will be hard, you will have pictures of your old
family and of your kids but as time goes on you will replace them with
adventures you both went on. I
can’t tell you how hard bringing my daughter home for me still is. It always will be, I still to this day
feel its just not enough time. I
have to realize it is what it is.
I also realize it may not be like this forever, she may want to move in
with me and live with Dad. I don’t
think about that but you never know.
All I know is that this is how it is now and I’ve had a few years to get
ready for everything and I used most of it wisely. When it comes to the nights of feeling alone or if you start
to feel sad or cry, my heart goes out to you and that is still okay to do. You don’t see your child and you’re
only human after all. Do your best
keep your composure and keep pressing on.
Use tools and tips to help you get through the harder aspects of being a
single parent.
This post can go on a lot longer
with many side doors to open but I like to keep my post to a nice average
limit. I may come back to it later
down the road or branch off it and talk about different hurdles we as single
parents face and how to help over comet them but for now I just wanted to get
some ideas out there for my other single parent readers. Think about things you can do to help
you get through some of the hardest and more difficult of times and
challenges. Remember time is not
easy to get over, it just has to pass, but when it does you will be stronger
than ever…
Always
remember…
You are never
alone.
Love,
Christopher
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