Thursday, November 29, 2012
Making the best of what sometimes comes your way…
I’ve learned over the past few years being a single Dad that I have to sometimes accept what my life now is and when I see Quinn. What I mean by this is, when I signed the divorce papers I’ll admit I didn’t read them over closely and though we would work more together on the side. In fact when I got the papers and my layer advised to change some things being blinded by love still I didn’t change a thing. Looking back now I realize it was a mistake. Now I also know I can always go back and look over the paperwork and have a lawyer try to change things but today’s post is about sometimes looking at how you have it and seeing if the battle is worth fighting for.
This past thanksgiving I didn’t have Quinn. The way the papers read are as follow, for thanksgiving we switch years. On odd years I have her on my scheduled Wednesday and into Thanksgiving. I have to have her home at 6 on that thanksgiving. On even years my ex has her, plus she has her on my Wednesday so she can travel to see family. The issue I brought up to her in the beginning was if her weekend follows her year of having her, I won’t see Quinn at all for about a week and a half, and I wont see her around Thanksgiving or even near it. She told me, off the record that’s we would make it so the person who doesn’t have her that next weekend get’s her thanksgiving. That way we both can see her. I questioned this because I knew every year after Thanksgiving it would be her weekend, but I trusted her. Something I now know I can not do...
Tuesday before Thanksgiving she texted me saying she had Quinn on Wednesday because it was her year. I reminded her about our side deal. The one that doesn’t matter I guess and she reverted to the court papers. At first I was really upset and figured she would do this one day. The days to follow I tried not to think about it and even though about just going back and getting things like “travel” time revered. As I sit now and write to you all I will tell you I just moved on from it. I understand it was my fault for not fighting the paperwork before we signed and I made my bed, so now I got to sleep in it. I want to give you all a few tips.
1) First always read anything that comes your way, epically if it’s your divorce papers. If you don’t like something or feel right about it, don’t sign. If you go to trial, then go. I felt rushed, do not feel rushed! Take you’re time and make sure you feel you are both getting rights epically with it comes to your kids.
2) If you find you don’t like the deal and you already signed, think about why you didn’t change it and then try to realize you just have to work with that change for now at least. You can always go back it just depends on if you want to use the resources.
3) Always fight for your child, but don’t let them grow up thinking all you do is fight. Fighting to see them is important, but showing them you are also relaxed is very important. It shows them you roll with the punches sometimes. Remember as much as your Ex puts you through hell, your kids will test you even more.
4) If you feel you are being taken advantage of over time then think about going back and having the agreement looked at or changed. Let your Ex know just because the papers are signed, that doesn’t mean it over for life and settled. In the court system you can always go back and revert and change and edit things. Just think about if you want too.
5) Remember that your child will grow up and eventually make their own decisions. Let them see you as parent that loves them and they will enjoy spending more time with you on their own.
So the week came and went and I took the time to just relax and spend my time with family and friends. It was difficult at times not seeing my little one but I don’t think about what I can’t do but what we will do. Make the most of the time you have with you’re kids and always know being there for them and just loving them is all they want. Do this and they will enjoy their time with you and as they grow up they made make the decision to see you more it will be up to their choice. So please don’t ruin your relationship with them now by fighting, when they grow older they will see this and decide to spend less time with you. So I made the best of the sisuation and I moved on. I see Quinn this Wednesday and the following weeking. I made plans for us and can’t wait to show her how much I missed her. I look forward to sharing our adventures with you!
You are never alone….