Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Tuesday’s Tip: Controlling Defiance. Part 1
I think over the past few months Quinn has started to become more defiant. Every stage of a child is different but now that she is just about 5 she is becoming more independent but sometimes she forgets she needs permission to do things. I found over the past few months if I ask her to do something she would ignore me or ask why. I am used to her asking why, all kids do it becomes your nightmare word! However over time I have seen her try to sneak things, or just not listen to me straight up. For example I have been trying to teach her how important cleaning up is but she seems to not care. I tell her if I clean up her toys then I will put some away for good. This gets her to move and start cleaning. I do not want the child that just plays and then sits down as Daddy picks up, Hell no, that is not going to happen. I picked up after I was done with my things or they were in the trash. She has been experimenting with going to her room and bringing more toys down, no I have no problem but she doesn’t bring them back up and over time they all end up down stairs so I have been reminding her to bring them up. Or if she tries to go upstairs I ask her what she is getting and limit the toy count to maybe 2.
Kids of course want to have fun and have all their stuff in one spot and take everything out and then leave it. She needs to realize she needs to put everything away, and lately it has proven more difficult because she is getting older and almost giving attitude. So what do you do to help stop this? Well as you can see I titled this part 1 because I have a feeling there will be more to come. Since I have just started I also am learning to figure this out myself. However I have some starter tips!
When your child start to become defiant always try to keep your cool and don’t raise your voice. Talk to them politely and let them know why something has to be done a certain way or why you are telling them no to something. If they don’t listen then remind them and go over it again. Let them know you are serious. Now the next steps are gray area for everyone, people can discipline however they wish if it gets to that but I usually tell her if it continues to happen she will lose TV time or be in a time out. If she is not cleaning up, advise them you will do it and take toys. You are not being unfair, you are letting them know that they are not listening and they will lose privileges or toys if they keep up the bad behavior. There is no doubt that kids are growing up faster and faster, with the way technology is growing kids now have phones and technology at such a young age. I feel sometimes they feel they are in charge and this can not happen. You have to be stern if you make a punishment. Follow through and if they continue then show them you are serious.
Quinn was acting up and I told her she was going to lose some TV if she kept up what she was doing and she did. When we got home she was in bed earlier and I told her why. She understood because I told her what we talked about earlier and I warned her but she didn’t listen. You just have to keep reinforcing that they have to listen to you and that they can’t always have their way. Let them know you are open to negotiate with them but they don’t tell you how it is. In the end we are the parent and we have to keep them safe and that maybe spoiling the fun. Over time they will listen and if you keep instructing it will happen.
When I was younger my father always told my brother and I to clean the bathroom. We split the work and complained to him but over time it went away and we just did it. Now I love cleaning and it’s because my parents keep telling us how important it is and that if you do it early you will be done and then it’s all set! I will blog about this down the road. Remember to keep your cool and just talk to them, use time outs and loss of privileges if you need to. I will follow up with you more too as time goes on. I have a feeling age 5 is not the end of it…
You are never alone…