"Make sure that what you are doing and striving for is going to be worth any sacrifices you will have to make along the way. If it's a relationship, job, anything in life."

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Stepping up and working together.

    Since my divorce over 5 years ago I feel my ex and I have drifted and not only speak when we need to.  Things get tough per I pay child support and work very hard to do this and support Quinn.  My ex and her new life are doing very well, setting that aside frustration can set in but I learned to move on and try not to let that get in the way of life.  I have a new bride who loves Quinn and I so much and that is all I try to focus on.

     Over the past few weeks and months Quinn's School wanted to talk about how she is doing and what areas she can use help in.  Without going into detail they needed us to come in together and talk.  Usually her parent teacher conferences we do separate, schedules are hard but also if I don't have to meet with my ex I don't.  I tend to get quiet and from past experiences just listened.  So we set a time and I headed over.  It was yesterday and I left work a bit early to go.  When I arrived and turned the corner of the hall I saw my ex outside Quinn's room.  I walked up and waited per she was on the phone.  She was just finishing up, now I haven't been in this situation before with her talking to her new husband so she said said she loved him back per he said it.  Not being bothered but it was odd i guess.  I quietly laughed a bit to my self.  Not at her but just funny to hear your ex say they love someone else in front of you.  Not in anger or jealously at all just never saw that yet.  However before I get to the story yes, when you are around your ex and they say they love someone else is odd to hear.  It was a first for me so I wanted to post it.  Now I love Kayla, and one day my ex maybe around when I say it to her.  Just wanted to point that out it was different, not bad I'm very happy and happy for my ex just new I guess.  If you are still with your spouse just take a second to think how you would do if you heard them say that to someone else (after a split obviously).  Its odd i would say, either way getting back to my post.

     So we went in and sat down, of course in those tiny chairs that hurt and are like two feet of the ground!  Quinn's teacher was there and started talking, later a few more teachers that work with Quinn came down.  I listened to everything and was quiet at first.  My ex talked a bit and then Quinns teacher asked what I thought.  When my ex and I are working together involving Quinn I usually get quiet.  Now I'm a loud guy no joke, but I know her Mom likes to hear what I'm thinking but I just walk lighting so no arguing gets started.  I would just say she is a strong person and I'd rather back off then have to be right.  That doesn't mean I'm a pushover just don't want the conflict.  We have had our fair of fights and I just don't want to deal anymore.  Let Quinn grow up and see the household she is in and decide.  The meeting went well and we all worked and talked together just fine.  I stayed back after to thank Quinn's teacher per last week was teacher application week!  That night my ex and I texted a bit but in the end both agreed on what to do which is good.

     Why I posted this was because it is important to be there, not just for your child but yes show up and meet with your Ex and others that are working with your child.  People that don't have kids and split yes, easy they part ways and done.  For those that have kids, you will be tied for a long time, or at least until the child is old enough.  What I will say is go out and be there!  Sitting next to your ex, especially if they hurt you or if the divorce or separation didn't go well.  It's uncomfortable, and just down right hard.  My heart goes out to you too, however you need to go and support your half.  You need to speak up and address anything you have.  You may not like or work well with your ex but do this.  Go to school events and conferences and be good spots.  When Quinn has open houses we all go and talk and its ok, Kayla and Quinn's step father are there we all get along.  More the merrier I guess.  However yes it can be difficult especially at first.  Do the best you can and show the child you love them...  

     Working as a different unit may have it's challenges but we just have to keep going.  If we ran from things that scared us we would never live our lives.  Or worse live them in fear...

So step up, work together and just do what you can.    

Always Remember,
You Are Never Alone...



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